Tag: trust God

Starting Over


For those of you who have followed this blog in the past, “Hello again.” Life has been quite hectic for the past few months, so I hadn’t been checking the blog very regularly. When I did- imagine my alarm to find that it had been removed. Apparently, I had missed a renewal payment and discovered that not only was it not functioning, but also that restoring it was not possible and the only real option was starting over. In order to return credibility to my name on internet searches, (it is alarming to find your name mentioned with warnings as a possible source of malicious internet activity) I’m trying to start over.

This whole process of starting over has gotten me thinking. It is a new year, and that would seem to be an appropriate time to begin again in many areas of my life. Sigh…but it’s not easy. Restarting the blog is easy by comparison even though I am technologically incompetent. Words like “adventurous, spontaneous, rash”, left my vocabulary as descriptions of myself with about the birth of my first child.

The greatest new beginning is our salvation, 2 Corinthians 9:7 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” God is the only one who can give us a genuinely new start and even though we are forgiven and He is merciful, He doesn’t always choose to deliver us from the earthly consequences of our wrong choices whether they were sinful or not.

Here are some points I am trying to learn:

  1. Acknowledge what went wrong the first time. Something vital was ignored, neglected, destroyed by myself or in conjunction with someone else. Even if I was completely innocent, which is rarely the case, if it is no longer fixable it’s time to stop crying over it like Samuel did Saul- go anoint the new direction and start over (1 Samuel 16:1).
  2. The second is like unto the first. Letting go of failure-refusing, if God has forgiven me, to keep on flogging myself. (1 John 3:20)
  3. Forgiveness of others which includes letting God weed out the bitterness. God has to pull this one, I’m not strong enough.  Forgetting is not always possible but, when it all comes flooding back if God can enable me to see the other person through His eyes- I cannot help but feel compassion. How does God see that person?
  4. Moving forward into an unknown future with a renewed commitment to God that trusts Him enough to risk relationships even if that trust is violated. The older I get, the more I realize that in this sinful, fallen world -hurt is inevitable! Either I curl up and crawl away to hide, or I have to trust the NEVER-FAILING love of God, allow Him to deliver justice on my behalf, and trust that He WILL make ALL things work together for my good. If I cannot do that, I will withdraw and avoid people the rest of my life- cause they just mean sometimes! *
  5. I must admit- I cannot do it all! I don’t think that I ever really thought I could…I was just so busy trying to that I never stopped to admit it wasn’t working. I am not able to do every job at the church, be on call 24-7, be made-up, fixed up and show up for every need I encounter. It isn’t even a matter of compassion fatigue anymore, although I have been there, it is simply physical fatigue at this point. I have to sleep right, eat right, and know my limitations, or it (meaning me) is just going to hurt. Besides, since when was God only able to use me? If I do it all, others will never get a chance to step into the place God has for them. I don’t want Him to have to move me out of the way.
  6. Last but not least. If I am going to start over, I’m going to need somebody smarter than me. Not just the helpline tech guys I have been harassing for a week, poor things. The older I get, the more I realize how flawed I am. “I need someone older and wiser telling me what to do” now as much as I did when I was 16 and not listening anyway. But I also know that EVERY other human’s reasoning can be as convoluted as mine! It is only the wisdom from above that is “first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” James 3:17. I want to listen to that voice!

Starting over can be a process that as my granddaughter says, “It takes 2-ever”. 2-ever or 4-ever, change is never easy. But I know that He who began the good work in me doesn’t have to start over because He has never stopped and He never will. (Philippians 1:6)

*Please do not stay in an abusive situation. You can work on forgiveness and learn to trust God much better from a safe place!

I don’t need to worry about…

If there is an organization for chronic worriers, I probably need to be a card-carrying if not a founding member. Worriers anonymous …Hello, my name is Esther, and I worry about everything…all the time. Thankfully, the good God, who never gives up on me, loves me enough to keep working on me.

I recognize that my obsession with worry is a symptom of my lack of trust in God. If I really felt like He was big enough to handle my problems, and if I genuinely trusted Him with them, then I would not feel obligated to expend vast amounts of emotional energy in trying to figure things out myself. How futile and draining, my frantic attempts to come up with solutions and plans B’s truly are; compared to the peace that comes on those rare moments when I actually do completely, hands-off, trust God.

So scripturally speaking, below is a list of the things I do not need to be worried about…

My height, not a “big” one for me, but how long I will live is a bit more of a concern these days.

Matthew 6:27, “And who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure to his stature or to the span of his life?”

Food, drink, clothing, so all the basic necessities of life…

Matthew 6:31 “Therefore do not worry and be anxious, saying, What are we going to have to eat? or, What are we going to have to drink? or, What are we going to have to wear?”

Uncertainties regarding the future

Matthew 6:34 “So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.”

(When I get to tomorrow if I feel the need to worry, Jesus promises that there will be plenty to keep me occupied then as well. Oh great…)

Wicked, evil people, my own fear of slipping, 

Psalm 94

16 Who rises up for me against the wicked?
    Who stands up for me against evildoers?
17 If the Lord had not been my help,
    my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.
18 When I thought, “My foot slips,”
    your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.
19 When the cares of my heart are many,
    your consolations cheer my soul.

Worry and anxiety are indeed the cares of the heart, and they can weigh one down with a spirit of heaviness.

Proverbs 12:25 (ESV) “ Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”

So let me pass along some “good word” for my fellow members of Worriers Anonymous!

Philippians 4:4-7 – God’s steps to recovery for this condition.

“4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

  1. Rejoice in the Lord, not sometimes, always! Hey, if we are still breathing, we can rejoice, if only for that.
  2. Be reasonable! Certain more pessimistic personalities tend to see eminent disaster in nearly any difficult situation. Ok, so I do have to tell myself regularly that it is probably not the end of the world.
  3. Remember the Lord is at hand! He has not abandoned my pathetic little ship. In fact, He may be so confident that everything is under control, that He is resting; maybe even napping in the middle of my apparent catastrophe! Matthew 8:24-26
  4. Do not be anxious about anything! No small print, nothing held back, no special cases or pet concerns that I refuse to bring to God because I do not want to bother Him.
  5. In everything! Nothing is too small or insignificant, or too large and overwhelming.
  6. By prayer and supplication! Sometimes we pray, and sometimes we need supplication (noun-the action of asking or begging for something earnestly or humbly), be persistent, keep on asking, keep on seeking, keep on asking. Work those faith muscles!
  7. With thanksgiving, keep a thankful heart! A spirit of gratitude is the opposite of a spirit of entitlement.
  8. Let your requests be made known to God! We need to bear one another’s burdens, but too often, we talk to everyone else about our concerns, except God! He does not mind. He tells us to talk to Him about it, even to make requests! 

I am trying consciously to ask myself when I realize I have slipped into worry mode, “Have I given this request to God?” If I have prayed about it, then I must say to myself, “Then I do not need to be worried about this!” Unclench my fists, unlock my gritted teeth, relax, breathe, and trust that the ALMIGHTY GOD of the UNIVERSE can handle whatever it is.

  • Let the peace of God guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Giving oneself permission to relax into the peace of God, may not be a problem for most people. However, for the chronic worry types, if we are not worrying, then we feel we are not doing our part, no matter how futile and pathetic it may be. As if, we cannot actively show that we love someone unless we worry over them. When in fact, the most loving thing we could do is bring their situation to God and trust Him so completely to care for them that we no longer have to fret. God’s peace is the only thing powerful enough to calm my heart and mind and to deliver me from worry and anxiety. 

I have …uh…many…years of bad habits to break in this regard, but I hope you will join me on the journey of actually practicing Philippians 4:4-7. Are you afraid that you cannot do this? Don’t worry about it- see #1 and continue…