Two suicides in the past week. I don’t move in large circles or have contact with hundreds of people a week. My Facebook friend list is not extensive, and I don’t have a huge Twitter following. Still in one week two people that I have a connection with have found life too unbearable to continue. In studying psychology and counseling, we were often warned that the holidays could be some of the most difficult for those with depression. The losses seem more poignant, loneliness is more extreme and hope harder to come by at this time of year. Why is this? I don’t have an academic answer to offer but as someone who has clung to the edge of the black hole, let me offer some observations based on my own experience. This year I have been reminded that when the Christ child came it was very dark.
Unrealistic expectations are a huge one for me. I want the perfect family Christmas! I want all my family to be together and to be in harmony with one another. Gifts have come to mean less and less to me over the years, but I would like to be able to give them each something meaningful. All of these expectations have about as much chance of happening as a blizzard in Georgia. Yesterday in the sermon, the speaker was mentioning how the religious intellectuals lived so close to Bethlehem, even knew that it was the prophesied place of his birth, yet missed it. They had expectations about how their Messiah should come. It was not supposed to be in this dark, messy, downright unsanitary fashion. I guess I need to let this Christmas come however God intends that it should.
This year especially, it seems that the world and the US, in particular, are such a mess. Terrorists, chaos, refugees, government decisions, violence, anger and fear seem rampant. Listening to the rhetoric from so-called Christians who would rather shoot their enemies then follow Christ’s command to love them makes me heart-sick. Something as simple as finding a college for my senior for next year became this week a cause for alarm and concern. Why must we always be choosing between the lesser of two evils? Maybe this is how Joseph felt when the oppressive occupying Roman government decreed a tax that not only made it difficult financially but required travel with his full term pregnant wife. Should he choose to defy the authorities, or travel when it might harm his wife and her child, should he choose a shed or try to make her keep going? Should he believe the strange visions he had, maybe he was delusional, over his wife’s obvious infidelity. Then there was one that made them refugees fleeing into Egypt. It must have seemed to Joseph that there were no good choices, only hard ones. BUT GOD, was still accomplishing His purpose to bring salvation to the world! God is still in this current world mess accomplishing that same purpose! I must believe that, or I will sink into despair.
We can become so overwhelmed this time of year with doing good things that we do not see people. If we do not take the time to stay in tune to the Spirit, we will not realize when someone is at their breaking point. We will just be, like the innkeeper, too busy. Not an evil, vile, cruel person just preoccupied with taking care of our own business. Anna, on the other hand, was so tuned in to the voice of God that when the poor shabby couple who looked like they had been living in a barn brought the offering of the poorest to circumcise their insignificant eight-day-old child; she knew! She was able to offer them the voice of hope to believe the unbelievable words they had been given. It is what so many people need to hear! There is a future that God has for you, and a place that you need to fill in His plan. You are necessary, and needed even if what you have to offer seems pitiful by all the world’s standards.
It was a dark night, in a land with an oppressive, God-less government. A baby would have to be born in a barn. The senseless killing of innocent babies would result from the unbelief of pagan rulers. Joseph would have to choose to make his families refugees. God knew Christmas would come in the dark.
So He ripped open heaven and poured out the announcement with gleaming multitude of glorious beings! To Mary and Joseph’s loneliness and fear came the shepherds which at the least indicated that God still knew where they were. He affirmed the message of His purpose through Anna and Simeon when they brought Jesus to the temple in spite of their paltry gift. He sent the shining gifts from strangers to pay the way for them to escape to Egypt. He was there breaking through into the darkness again and again.
Now we are the bearers of the light of God. Help us, Father, to let go of all our expectations, to see hurting people even while we are taking care of our business, to believe that You are still accomplishing Your salvation even in this dark world. Help us to trust You will guide us even when all our options seem hard. Help us to keep bringing our babies to the temple even when our offering is pathetic in our eyes. Make us purveyors of hope who will grab the hands of those on the brink of despair and tell them we still need them. God has a place for them.
This seems the carol for this year:
I
Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
And in despair I bowed my head:
“There is no peace on earth,” I said,
“For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.”
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men.”
Till, ringing singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!
(Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882), 1867)