Tag: forgiveness

Closets

Someone opened my closet.

All the stuff came pouring out. All the stored, labeled, packed away issues I thought I had dealt with years ago. My loneliness, abandonment issues, bitterness, regret, blaming, and so much sadness and loss lay there in front of this person that I hardly knew. I felt exposed, raw, and so guilty.

It was probably an opportunity to respond differently this time. I wish I had done that.

The thing is, I have cleaned out this closet. So. Many. Times. I’ve opened every box, emptied the contents, wrestled with God over them, mourned, repented -why are they still there? Dust and maybe a few pantry moths, that I can never seem to get rid of, should have been all that floated out of that dark door.

Part of the problem is that the circumstances that aggravate the issues have not gone away. I can’t FIX it. And for all my prayers and tears, God has chosen not to fix it either.

Somehow, I have to get to this place:

I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance- I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13)

I know that some of this struggle is about forgiveness. Forgiveness is necessary, but if the situation causing pain is ongoing, I have found that the forgiveness will also need to be.

Colossians 3:13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 

What is helpful in that verse is not the admonition to forgive but the “bearing with one another.” There are some things we have to “bear”: defined as carrying the weight of support/enduring an ordeal or difficulty.

So, what I am choosing to believe is the following:

That God can give me the strength to learn contentment in my situation.

That if I am filled with the love of God, I can bear all things, including the need to forgive an ongoing hurt.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7

Maybe next time someone touches that door, I can just ask them to pray for me…

Starting Over


For those of you who have followed this blog in the past, “Hello again.” Life has been quite hectic for the past few months, so I hadn’t been checking the blog very regularly. When I did- imagine my alarm to find that it had been removed. Apparently, I had missed a renewal payment and discovered that not only was it not functioning, but also that restoring it was not possible and the only real option was starting over. In order to return credibility to my name on internet searches, (it is alarming to find your name mentioned with warnings as a possible source of malicious internet activity) I’m trying to start over.

This whole process of starting over has gotten me thinking. It is a new year, and that would seem to be an appropriate time to begin again in many areas of my life. Sigh…but it’s not easy. Restarting the blog is easy by comparison even though I am technologically incompetent. Words like “adventurous, spontaneous, rash”, left my vocabulary as descriptions of myself with about the birth of my first child.

The greatest new beginning is our salvation, 2 Corinthians 9:7 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” God is the only one who can give us a genuinely new start and even though we are forgiven and He is merciful, He doesn’t always choose to deliver us from the earthly consequences of our wrong choices whether they were sinful or not.

Here are some points I am trying to learn:

  1. Acknowledge what went wrong the first time. Something vital was ignored, neglected, destroyed by myself or in conjunction with someone else. Even if I was completely innocent, which is rarely the case, if it is no longer fixable it’s time to stop crying over it like Samuel did Saul- go anoint the new direction and start over (1 Samuel 16:1).
  2. The second is like unto the first. Letting go of failure-refusing, if God has forgiven me, to keep on flogging myself. (1 John 3:20)
  3. Forgiveness of others which includes letting God weed out the bitterness. God has to pull this one, I’m not strong enough.  Forgetting is not always possible but, when it all comes flooding back if God can enable me to see the other person through His eyes- I cannot help but feel compassion. How does God see that person?
  4. Moving forward into an unknown future with a renewed commitment to God that trusts Him enough to risk relationships even if that trust is violated. The older I get, the more I realize that in this sinful, fallen world -hurt is inevitable! Either I curl up and crawl away to hide, or I have to trust the NEVER-FAILING love of God, allow Him to deliver justice on my behalf, and trust that He WILL make ALL things work together for my good. If I cannot do that, I will withdraw and avoid people the rest of my life- cause they just mean sometimes! *
  5. I must admit- I cannot do it all! I don’t think that I ever really thought I could…I was just so busy trying to that I never stopped to admit it wasn’t working. I am not able to do every job at the church, be on call 24-7, be made-up, fixed up and show up for every need I encounter. It isn’t even a matter of compassion fatigue anymore, although I have been there, it is simply physical fatigue at this point. I have to sleep right, eat right, and know my limitations, or it (meaning me) is just going to hurt. Besides, since when was God only able to use me? If I do it all, others will never get a chance to step into the place God has for them. I don’t want Him to have to move me out of the way.
  6. Last but not least. If I am going to start over, I’m going to need somebody smarter than me. Not just the helpline tech guys I have been harassing for a week, poor things. The older I get, the more I realize how flawed I am. “I need someone older and wiser telling me what to do” now as much as I did when I was 16 and not listening anyway. But I also know that EVERY other human’s reasoning can be as convoluted as mine! It is only the wisdom from above that is “first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” James 3:17. I want to listen to that voice!

Starting over can be a process that as my granddaughter says, “It takes 2-ever”. 2-ever or 4-ever, change is never easy. But I know that He who began the good work in me doesn’t have to start over because He has never stopped and He never will. (Philippians 1:6)

*Please do not stay in an abusive situation. You can work on forgiveness and learn to trust God much better from a safe place!

Taking Offense

What does it mean to take offense? Various online dictionaries define it as follows:

 To feel (and usually to show) emotional pain and resentment at another’s actions or words.

Confession time, I recently took offense when someone’s behavior triggered some painful memories for me. How could he act that way? He seemed to be intentionally inflicting emotional pain, and I resented it deeply. I guess I am in good company; the disciples even took offense with Jesus when He began to teach them things they did not want to hear. John 6:60-61

60 When many of his disciples heard it, they said, “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?” 61 But Jesus, knowing in himself that his disciples were grumbling about this, said to them, “Do you take offense at this?

So what would have been the better response on my part in dealing with the offense?  How could I keep my heart clean of the dark film that resentment would bring? Surely, bitterness must be the next step beyond resentment. 

Solomon seems to say that we have a choice; we can use love to cover the offense, overlook it, not share it with others, and above all keep calm. (He was a wise man…)

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Proverbs 17:9 Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.

Proverbs 19:11 Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Ecclesiastes 10:4 If the anger of the ruler rises against you, do not leave your place, for calmness will lay great offenses to rest.

Basically, offenses will come to us. We will be offended by the words and actions of other. Offenses will come, but we do not have to “take” them into ourselves. The hurtful comments do not have to find a place in our identity. I can choose to let love cover the offense by believing the person was only acting out of the hurt he was feeling. (See Hurting People)

I can choose not to “take” the offense to others thereby spreading the resentment. Again, a choice characterized as seeking love.

The offense can be overlooked if I choose not to “take” it into my view of the person so that all my future encounters with this person are colored by this event.

Mainly, I need to keep calm, give the hurt to the Healer, and find a place of rest in my spirit through forgiveness.