Much has been said and written in the last few years regarding the concept of “community” in the family of believers. I do not disagree with the principle involved. We need community, fellowship, and to each use our God-given gifts as parts of the whole that makes up the body of Christ.
Somehow, that teaching seems to overlook the fact that for whatever reason some do not have a community. Some are serving where they do not have access to other believers. There are those who in answering the call of God, or for refusing to compromise their convictions for companionship, feel very alone.
Certainly if at all possible, one should seek out other believers as Hebrews 10:24-25(ESV) states, “24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another”.
In the mean time, while you are searching, here are some suggestions to redeem the time of loneliness.
First, turn your moments of aloneness into a garden of solitude. Let God redeem your alone time as an opportunity to focus on and fellowship with Him. Henri Nouwen suggests,
“To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. This requires not only courage but also a strong faith.”[i]
The following is an old German Hymn that expresses this so well.
The Paradise of God
Where the heart of God is resting,
I have found my rest;
Christ who found me in the desert,
Laid me on His breast.
There in deep unhindered fullness
Doth my joy flow free—
On through everlasting ages,
Lord, beholding Thee.
There I find a blessed stillness
In His courts of love;
All below but strife and darkness,
Cloudless peace above.
‘Tis a solitary pathway
To that fair retreat—
Where in deep and sweet communion
Sit I at His feet.
In that glorious isolation,
Loneliness how blest,
From the windy storm and tempest
Have I found my rest.
Learning from Thy lips for ever
All the Father’s heart,
Thou hast, in that joy eternal,
Chosen me my part.
There, where Jesus, Jesus only,
Fills each heart and tongue,
Where Himself is all the radiance
And Himself the song.
Here, who follows Him the nearest,
Needs must walk alone;
There like many seas the chorus,
Praise surrounds the throne.
Here a dark and silent pathway;
In those courts so fair
Countless hosts, yet each beholding
Jesus only, there.
By T. P., (this was all that was listed for the author)
Second, realize that ultimately no one will be able to meet your deep emotional needs fully except the One who made you. Trying to meet those needs through another person leads to a grasping type of neediness. Nouwen says,
“No friend or lover, no husband or wife, no community or commune will be able to put to rest our deepest cravings for unity and wholeness. And by burdening others with these divine expectations, of which we ourselves are only partially aware, we might inhibit the expression of free friendship and love and evoke instead feelings of inadequacy and weakness.”[ii]
Christian writer Beth Moore puts it this way, “God is the only One who is not repelled by the depth and length or our needs”.[iii]
Thirdly, truly realize that you are never alone if you are in relationship with God. Hebrews 13:5, “I will never leave you nor forsake you”.
The following is a quote by Elisabeth Elliot relating a thought by Amy Carmichael; both women were well acquainted with loneliness.
“Some of you are perhaps feeling that you are voyaging just now on a moonless sea. Uncertainty surrounds you. There seem to be no signs to follow. Perhaps you feel about to be engulfed by loneliness. There is no one to whom you can speak of your need. Amy Carmichael wrote of such a feeling when, a missionary of 26 (she had to leave where she was and travel to another country). “All along, let us remember, we are not asked to understand, but simply to obey…On July 28, I sailed and as the boat containing my friends moved off from the ship, a chill of loneliness shivered through me. Then like a warm love-clasp came the long-loved lines- ‘And only Heaven is better that to walk with Christ at midnight, over moon-less seas.’ I couldn’t be frightened then. Praise him for the moonless seas- all the better opportunity for proving Him to be indeed the El Shaddai, ‘the God who is Enough.’”
Elisabeth goes on to say, “Let me add my own word of witness to hers and to that of the tens of thousands who have learned that He is indeed Enough. He is not all we would ask for (If we were honest), but it is precisely when we do not have what we would ask for, and only then, that we can perceive His all –sufficiency. It is when the sea is moonless that the Lord has become my Light.”[iv]
God please help me find “Enough” in You today!
[i] Nouwen, Henri J. M. Reaching Out. New York: Doubleday, 1975.
[ii] Ibid.
[iii] Moore, Beth. Breaking Free Updated Edition. Nashville : LifeWay Press, 2009.
[iv] Elliot, Elisabeth. Keep a quiet heart. Manila: OMF Literature Inc., 1995.