Tag: 1 Corinthians 13:12

2020 – The Year of the Mirror

What a year this has been! This is even evidenced by the fact that after recovering my blog account, I have only managed to post two the entire year. I spent the lockdown in my garden, not at my computer -it was essential to my mental health. I realize some might equate this behavior with the ostrich sticking its head in the sand, but it was all too much. So here I am- a couple of hard freezes, and the garden is down for the winter, and I am back at the computer again.

What has been hardest this year is that each of the issues that have arisen has shoved a mirror in my face and forced me to confront deeply buried images of myself.

Racism, Politics, COVID-19, and the death of my Father have caused me to confront myself more than anyone else.

Where have I let racist attitudes, feelings of superiority, pride that I am not like that “other” person creep into my life? Am I too proud to even admit these attitudes are there? How do I love the African American grandparents with their tribe of little grand-boys who have to somehow raise them in a culture where the odds are stacked against them? Equally important, how do I love the most dedicated, honest, kindest lawman and his wife who fears daily for his safety when he goes out to do and be the best he can be for the public safety?

Politically- Can I still love people who are willing to let their version of politics come between us? How do I love people who will condemn my faith if my politics does not agree with theirs?

So many people have died this year, family and friends! I have had to face- not my fear of death but my anger and hatred of it! There is a reason why death is finally thrown into hell at the end of time- it is not our friend!

Revelations 20:14 “Then Death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire.”

How can I protect the physically vulnerable people in my life from a deadly virus without being judgmental of those I feel would put them at risk? Is it even possible to adequately care for people and keep them at arms-length or 6 feet?

How do I say goodbye to someone I love but with whom I realize I have some unresolved issues? Especially since, given the progression of his disease, I would have had to talk to him ten years ago when I was too overwhelmed with parenting and making my own mistakes with my kids. What do you do with a hurt that was never intentional, but that happened?

So, I have seen my racism, pride, fear, hurt, anxiety, fear, failure- it has been glaringly revealed by the trauma of this year. I have heard the gentle rebukes of the Spirit as He touched the hurting or inflamed, tender places of my heart. It has been a painful year. I realize I still don’t know even the depths of my own heart…

1 Corinthians 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. NKJV

 There is also a danger in thinking that becoming aware of all these issues is enough. I acknowledge them, so now I’m done. I believe God expects me to do more than that…

James 1:23-24 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror.  For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like.

There is only one way to face this new year without despair, and that is to fix my eyes on Jesus and allow Him complete access to all the ugly parts of me. Only He is capable of transforming me until I look and act like Him!

2 Corinthians 3:18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. NKJV

“We are mirrors whose brightness, if we are bright, is wholly derived from the sun that shines upon us.” C.S. Lewis

Looking forward to this next year, I thought of this song by one of my favorite artists Sara Groves.

You are the sun shining down on everyone
Light of the world giving light to everything I see
Beauty so brilliant I can hardly take it in
And everywhere you are is warmth and light

And I am the moon with no light of my own
Still you have made me to shine
And as I glow in this cold dark night
I know I can’t be a light unless I turn my face to you

You are the sun shining down on everyone
Light of the world giving light to everything I see
Beauty so brilliant I can hardly take it in
And everywhere you are is warmth and light

And I am the moon with no light of my own
Still you have made me to shine
And as I glow in this cold dark night
I know I can’t be a light unless I turn my face to you

Shine on me with your light
Without you I a­m a cold dark stone
Shine on me I have no light of my own
You are the sun, you are the sun, you are the sun
And I am the moon

Till We Have Faces

I have just finished reading C.S. Lewis’s book, Till We Have Faces[i]. A troubling story, to say the least, where Lewis remakes the classical myth of Cupid and Psyche.

One of many aspects it portrays through the two sisters is the search for love. Orual representing the earthly grasping, at best jealous, selfish love of humanity apart from God, and Psyche the search for Divine love, which requires the giving over of one’s self in utter abandonment. The title is reported to have been taken from the scripture in 1 Corinthian 13:12, “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

The difficulty is in seeing yourself clearly and in exposing that self as ugly as “Ungit” in the story. Orual attempted to write her story giving her complaint, even accusation, toward the gods. Similarly, I have often “written” myself out on the page as much to see my thoughts and motives in black and white, as to share any newly acquired insight.

“When the time comes to you at which you will be forced at last to utter the speech which has lain at the center of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot like, been saying over and over, you’ll not talk about joy of words. I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word be dug out of us why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face until we have faces?”

I felt arrested by this statement. I know the complaint that I have so often rehearsed; my very own personal Job’s accusation that God had somehow been unfair! The reality hit me that it was not until I had written it into a story literally, uttered the speech which had lain at the center of my soul for years, which I had, all that time, idiot like, been saying over and over” that I saw the truth of it for the first time. It was “dug out” of me! Orual says it well,

“The change which the writing wrought in me (and of which I did not write) was only a beginning; only to prepare me for the gods’ surgery. They used my own pen to probe my wound. ”

It is hard to accept that the love that you think you have- may be jealous, manipulative, even at times, cruel. The hardest reality is that it may also become a barrier to someone else’s pursuit of God. As Lewis says,

“For mortals, as you said, will become more and more jealous. And mother, and wife, and child and friend will all be in league to keep a soul from being united with the Divine Nature.”

Seeing oneself as truly exposed before God, does away instantly with any thought of demanding from God justice for the supposed wrongs or slights we would accuse Him of allowing. Orual ask the question,

“Are the gods not just?” Her teacher the Fox replies, “Oh no, child. What would become of us if they were?”

It is no slight coincidence to me that I have been meditating on where James says, “mercy triumphs over judgment”.

Again Micah 7:18 takes it even a step further, “You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.” Mercy triumphs over judgment is not a bad refrain to get stuck in your head.

Orual ended her first book of accusation with the words, “no answer”. She ended her second book after her encounter with the Divine Nature as follows,

“I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away.”

[i] Lewis, C. S. Till We Have Faces. Orlando: Harcourt, 1956, 1984.