Author: Eerig

Perfectionism, Martha, and Grace

I do not generally have to force myself to write something. However, God has been showing me something lately that I feel the need to share, and it is a bit tough. I know some of you who have known me for years will find this confession a no-brainer, but I find myself suddenly realizing I am a perfectionist. I know…I never could break rules, felt guilty over everything, have lived my entire life trying to dot all the i’s and to cross all the t’s. I just thought since I was not OCD about keeping my house clean; I really was not a perfectionist! 

Perfectionism has been defined as follows, “a constant and all- pervading feel of never quite measuring up, never quite being or doing enough to please. To please whom? Everyone-yourself, others, and God. Naturally, a lot of self-belittling and self-contempt goes along with it, together with a super sensitivity to the opinions, to the approval, and the disapproval of others. And all of this is accompanied by a cloud of guilt. The perfectionist almost has to feel guilty, if for nothing else, not feeling guilty about something!”[1]

Ok…yeah, that probably describes me. So how did I get this way? My parents were not the sort who held up unrealistic expectations for us. Yes, we grew up in a rather rigid religious era of external conformity to standards of dress and behavior, but I do not think that was it either. I wonder if perhaps I was looking for a way to be noticed among my crowd of siblings, and since “sainthood” was the only role no one else was willing to try, I tried that. We had the explorer, commander, rebel, clown, cutie, baby etc. If I could just be “good”, enough God would be happy with me.

What God has been showing me is that God has amazing grace! Not just grace that reaches to lift those who have fallen into pits of sin and depravity, but also grace enough to cover those who, no matter what they do, will never in their own eyes be good enough. “Grace is not only God’s undeserved mercy and favor. It is also unearned and can never be repaid.” It is simple really; apart From Him, I can do nothing, really nothing- all my righteousness is filthy rags- and all my attempts will fall short. Not because God is unrealistic and demanding but because He wants me to know Him, depend on Him, live in and through Him only. On my own, I am a Martha, Luke 10:40-42, trying desperately to please Him- frustrating myself and getting frustrated with everyone around me. I become a “grievance collector”. 

Throughout my walk with God, I have had my Mary moments of living in connected devotion to Him. Apparently, it is a choice we get to make, Mary had chosen the better part, and by His amazing grace, so can I!

[1]

Seamands, David A. Healing for Damaged Emotions. Colorado Springs: Cook Communications, 2004. ffff

Togetherness!

In a wonderful old romantic comedy called How to Steal a Million, featuring the recently deceased Peter O’Toole and Audrey Hepburn; the hero states, “the code word is togetherness!”

That thought has been on my mind all this holiday season; not just because we have guests who are brave enough to cram into our little apartment here for a visit, but also because having family here is what makes it Christmas for me. My love language is time spent together. So even though fixing Christmas dinner is an exercise in juggling and gymnastics in my miniscule kitchen, the fact that I was fixing it with my daughter’s help made it a meaningful memory for me.

God was in favor of togetherness. He sent us at Christmas, Emmanuel, God with us. I want to remember that this year, no matter how cramped and uncomfortable my circumstances; He is with me. That means love to me! The God who so wanted to be close to us that He sent His spirit to live within us said,

John 14:16-20 (ESV)

16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, 17 even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.

18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you.

That is what I call TOGETHERNESS!

Merry Christmas everyone! May you come to know Emmanuel; remember the code word is togetherness!

For Women Only!

Anytime you title something like this, some men cannot resist reading. You know who you are- now go away; you will just be bored and disrupt the class!

There are many places in the world where women are still oppressed and marginalized if not blatantly abused. I was reminded this week as I read the Christmas story how different it is with God. God understands women and their needs. This is apparent from the moment Gabriel announced the birth of Christ to Mary and throughout the life and ministry of Jesus. In particular, I was impressed as I read Gabriel’s announcement that God understood Mary needed a friend. Joseph would need divine intervention before he could overcome his male ego and wounded pride; he certainly was not in a place where he could be supportive. He may have even been worried about her sanity with all the talk of angel visitations, thinking, “You know, maybe I should just have her ‘put away’.”

What is a girl to do?  Gabriel gave her a hint…Elizabeth understands that nothing is impossible with God; she is also going through a divine moment in her life. That was all the encouragement Mary needed. Yes, Elizabeth was family, but God was also preparing her to be the friend Mary would need.

What made Elizabeth the perfect example of whom to turn to in a crisis?

Several things are apparent in the scripture. She was “6 righteous before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and statutes of the Lord”. (Luke 1 ESV) We need to know that our friend is in touch with God and able to give Godly counsel.

She also had held on to her faith in spite of a great trial in her life. Her faith in God had been tested by years of infertility. “7 But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and both were advanced in years.” Hers was a tested mature faith that had held on to God even though she had not received what she so desperately wanted. She must have loved God for Himself and not for what she could get from Him. A friend who will help you to remain strong in faith is invaluable.

She knew how to keep a secret, even one that overwhelmed her with wonder and joy. “24 After these days his wife Elizabeth conceived, and for five months she kept herself hidden, saying, 25 “Thus the Lord has done for me in the days when he looked on me to take away my reproach among people.” We all need another woman we can trust with our burdens, secrets, even our shame.

God even gave Elizabeth confirmation that Mary’s child was of God. What a tremendous gift that was to Mary! Then Elizabeth could give Mary her full support with no small doubt in her mind.  Mary desperately needed someone who would believe her, and believe in her. “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! 43 And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me?” What strength it must have given Mary to know that Elizabeth believed she could be the mother of the “Lord”.

Elizabeth was not swayed from her commitment to the word of God by public opinion; as when she refused to give in to pressure when it came time to name John. “59 And on the eighth day they came to circumcise the child. And they would have called him Zechariah after his father, 60 but his mother answered, “No; he shall be called John.” 61 And they said to her, “None of your relatives is called by this name.” Who better to stand with Mary against the pressure she would face, then someone who could truly believe the confirmation God gave her? 

For three months, you know those first three months when morning sickness makes you think you are going to die, Mary was in a safe place. She was cared for and caring for someone who understood. What a gift from the God who understands what a woman needs!

Do you need an Elizabeth in your life? Ask God to give you a suggestion, like Gabriel did for Mary.

Waiting in Hope

For 400 years between the Old and New Testament, people waited in hope for a promised Messiah. The concept of waiting in hope seems so much a part of Christmas. As a child growing up in a western culture, anticipation of Christmas was half the fun. Advent calendars counted down the days as we waited in hope for the joy of Christmas Day. 

God seemed to realize how difficult it would be for us to maintain a hopeful spirit in our times of waiting, and so throughout his word he spoke of our need for courage and strength as we wait.

Psalm 27:14 (AMP) Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.

Psalm 31:24 (AMP) Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for and hope for and expect the Lord!

God also seemed to recognize the depth of the agony of spirit we can experience as David spoke in Psalm 42:5 (AMP). 5 Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, my Help and my God.

In the beautiful way that the New Testament seems to answer the heart cries of the Old, Romans 8:24-26 (ESV) seems it could have been written specifically to address the need David expressed.

24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

What have you been waiting for that seems to have developed into an inner moan? The Spirit understands that you do not even know how to pray anymore, and He will take that need to the Father with groaning too deep for words. In the meantime, watch for those signs of God at work. In other words, engage in being hopeful. I love the words of Sarah Groves’s song, It Might be Hope.

You do your work the best that you can
You put one foot in front of the other
Life comes in waves and makes its demands
You hold on as well as your able

You’ve been here for a long long time
Hope has a way of turning its face to you
Just when you least expect it
You walk in a room
You look out a window
And something there leaves you breathless
You say to yourself
It’s been a while since I felt this
But it feels like it might be hope
It’s hard to recall what blew out the flame
It’s been dark since you can remember
You talk it all through to find it a name
As days go on by without number
You’ve been here for a long long time
Hope has a way of turning its face to you
Just when you least expect it
You walk in a room
You look out a window
And something there leaves you breathless
You say to yourself
It’s been a while since I felt this
But it feels like it might be hope

Taking Offense

What does it mean to take offense? Various online dictionaries define it as follows:

 To feel (and usually to show) emotional pain and resentment at another’s actions or words.

Confession time, I recently took offense when someone’s behavior triggered some painful memories for me. How could he act that way? He seemed to be intentionally inflicting emotional pain, and I resented it deeply. I guess I am in good company; the disciples even took offense with Jesus when He began to teach them things they did not want to hear. John 6:60-61

60 When many of his disciples heard it, they said, “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?” 61 But Jesus, knowing in himself that his disciples were grumbling about this, said to them, “Do you take offense at this?

So what would have been the better response on my part in dealing with the offense?  How could I keep my heart clean of the dark film that resentment would bring? Surely, bitterness must be the next step beyond resentment. 

Solomon seems to say that we have a choice; we can use love to cover the offense, overlook it, not share it with others, and above all keep calm. (He was a wise man…)

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Proverbs 17:9 Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.

Proverbs 19:11 Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Ecclesiastes 10:4 If the anger of the ruler rises against you, do not leave your place, for calmness will lay great offenses to rest.

Basically, offenses will come to us. We will be offended by the words and actions of other. Offenses will come, but we do not have to “take” them into ourselves. The hurtful comments do not have to find a place in our identity. I can choose to let love cover the offense by believing the person was only acting out of the hurt he was feeling. (See Hurting People)

I can choose not to “take” the offense to others thereby spreading the resentment. Again, a choice characterized as seeking love.

The offense can be overlooked if I choose not to “take” it into my view of the person so that all my future encounters with this person are colored by this event.

Mainly, I need to keep calm, give the hurt to the Healer, and find a place of rest in my spirit through forgiveness.

Hurting People

While it may be simplistic to say that hurting people-hurt other people, anyone who has ever attempted to help a hurt or wounded animal knows there is some truth in the statement. You may be the one trying to bring healing, but you can expect to be bitten or at least, shall we say, growled at in warning. A person who is feeling overwhelmed and hurting on the inside is more likely to lash out even toward those who are attempting to help them. They expect to be able to drive you away with their anger. If, within the bounds of safety, you are able to endure their anger you may be able to earn their trust as well. Herein lies the problem, when we feel we have done nothing to deserve the anger or abuse being heaped upon us, we also feel a desire to retaliate or defend ourselves. 

However, retaliation is not our responsibility. If we are following Christ, it is not our job to defend ourselves; it is His. Paul in writing to the Romans goes so far as to say NEVER avenge yourself. Romans 12:19(ESV)

19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

And of course those most difficult words of Christ,

Matthew 5:39, But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

Oswald Chambers offers some insight,

The teaching of the Sermon on the Mount is not- Do your duty, but – Do what is not your duty. It is not your duty to go the second mile, to turn the other cheek, but Jesus says if we are His disciples, we shall always do these things. There will be no spirit of –“Oh, well, I cannot do anymore; I have been so misrepresented and misunderstood”. Every time I insist upon my rights, I hurt the Son of God; whereas I can prevent Jesus being hurt if I take the blow myself. That is the meaning of filling up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ. [1]

Can we look at an angry person and see the hurt behind their expressions of frustration toward us?  Can we absorb their anger into the grace of God within us, and prevent it from traveling on to someone else? After all, if their hurt and anger were dumped on someone who was not able by the grace of God to take the blow; that person will probably pass on the hurt by hurting someone else.

[1] Chambers, Oswald. My utmost for His highest. Uhrichville: Barbour Publishing, 1963.

Longing for Home

Where is home?

In the cedar trees of my childhood

Pungent with laughter and pain

In a final resting place, planted

Where his ancestors have lain

Within the hard-tilled sowing

The field well watered with tears

Heart pieces with each child living

My treasure more parceled each year

This fragmented sense of belonging

Unsatisfied feeling of longing

Not settled, rooted, planted

No permanent sense of place

Just a stranger’s exiled wandering

Searching for the Father’s face

Two poems from my daughter’s perspective,

someplace with the feeling of home vaguely in the back of my mind…

that I can’t put a name to where

the collection of all the places where heaven has stung my heart with longing

it comes and goes like the pulling of my life strings

the smell of rain on pine

a swell of painful joy unexpected

a swaying slow melody

a verse I stumble upon and can’t think how I ever overlooked it

the feeling of being loved wonderfully but not remembering by who

the reminder that God is there

Oh Lord there is a fear and trembling in my heart

a untamable excitement racing in my soul

man is without words to start

how can this feeling be my own

oh love of a tract-less restless sea

cannot be expressed in words pen to tome

 oh the goodness of my God to me

so great an adventure to find my home

By Brenna Richardson ©2009 (She categorically denies the existence of capitalization and punctuation.)

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy; the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” C.S. Lewis from Mere Christianity

“In speaking of this desire for our own far-off country, which we find in ourselves even now, I feel a certain shyness… These things—the beauty, the memory of our own past—are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.”              C.S Lewis from Weight of Glory

Rich Mullins used to sing, “If I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home”.